May 2008 - Koala Lounge

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For those who read my last post about Mick, I’m frustrated to report that nothing I said had any effect on his decision to take Steroids.

I wasn’t entirely surprised but I admit there was a small amount of hope in my ever-optimistic mind that perhaps I could have made some sort of difference.

It was like trying to draw blood from a rock last night.

I clung on to my anti-steroid research but was dismissed by him spouting pro-Steroid propaganda no doubt drilled into him by the Michelin men from his gym and workplace.

It saddened me to see such a beautiful person having to resort to such extremes in a desperate attempt to silence his inner demons and for the sake of vanity.

He starts in six weeks and is $2,000 out of pocket for his purchase.

But I haven’t quite given up. Call me naïve but he’s too good for this drug and I have six weeks to keep trying.

As for Jake- (Post: Bow Down to the Viagra God). I’m happy to say he has decided to hold off on the Viagra and take things slowly with his lady.

Apparently I do have a few words of wisdom worth heeding up my sleeve.

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Posted By: Neems - Category: No Category

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The Michelin Men

May 25th 2008 09:01

The other day a friend of mine- Mick mentioned he had a new goal for himself at the gym. He wanted to stack on at least 10kg of pure muscle. He clutched about 5 micro-millimetres of fat on his sides and boldly stated that this was what he needed to banish from his life forever!

Not one to indulge in anyone’s need to fish for compliments, I abstractedly nodded and feigned vague interest. Until that is, he declared his impatience about the amount of time it would take to achieve this goal. But if he took a bout of Steroids, he’d probably be able to see his body “ripped” and lean in no time.

He looked at me and asked eagerly- “So what do you reckon?!”

I surveyed the boy in front of me. He was perfectly proportioned, had a body complete with beautiful biceps and token six-pack which many a man would envy and many a woman would love to feel-up. And yet, this wasn’t enough for him.

I suddenly remembered a gym underneath Flinders street station that I used to walk past everyday. I would peek inside purely for my daily fit of giggles at the over pumped steroid induced men strutting their stuff comparing whose biceps were bigger.

Everyone has no doubt seen at least one of them. They’re a hideous breed whose main aspiration seems to be replicating the Michelin man’s physique. Eight-time Mr. Olympia, Ronnie Coleman is usually their choice role model and nothing short of an outbreak of the plague (if that) would prevent them from their time at the gym.

And while they had always seemed harmless enough to me, I hadn’t thought about their influence on the younger, more impressionable minds they come in contact with during their daily work-outs.

Until Mick who has just turned 23 and I had this little chat.

My face would have been one of acute incredulity as I asked him if parading around like a two-ton, overstuffed monkey was really something worth achieving especially if it came at the expense of his health.

Mick reassured me he had spoken to people at his gym and that they were all on “gym candy” and they were fine.

So then I asked him whether he had done any of his own research on the use of Steroids. Whether he was even aware of what it could do to your body both in the short and long terms.

I listed some of the effects I knew off the top of my head- aggressive behaviour, acne, jaundice, mood swings, depression, and premature balding? Saving the worst for last, I hit him with what I thought would surely distress any hot-blooded male. Steroids, I said, can cause impotency!

He replied, “Yea but all those are only if you take it for ages Neems…I’ll take one cycle and stop...it’ll be fine...trust .

His tone had a finality to it that made me realise that Mick might have already made up his mind. No matter what I was telling him was going in through one ear and out the other.

Because he was in regular contact with the meat-heads at the gym and all of them were still standing, still functioning and worse, ripped and raring to strut (for now), in his mind this drug was perfectly ok to take.

They had filled his head with such strong reassurances that Steroids are as safe for muscle growth as Panadol is for a headache that Mick was all but sold on the idea. And why slave for years to attain his ideal body when there's such an enticing shortcut?

I wondered whether after his first bout of steroids if he would indeed stop. Probably not. I could see a potentially vicious cycle beginning- the bigger he got, the more the maniacs at the gym would congratulate him, encouraging him to take it further. If he hasn’t already, he would develop a distorted body image and nothing would ever be enough.

I’m sure there are a few people who have indeed stopped after one or two cycles having achieved their ideal physique.

But is the risk of a disorder and damaging your body really worth the vanity? How long before these men keel over with kidney disease, sterility, heart damage, while inflicting aggressive behaviour upon anyone around them? And what kind of example are they setting for their kids?

I’m catching up with Mick this Wednesday armed with research and traumatising stories of men similar to him who have regretted taking the drug. I'm hoping I can make him see sense.

Hopefully I’m not too late.

*** For more info on Steroids, visit: Really Long Link ***

Neema Mohan, 25th May, 2008 ©

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Posted By: Neems - Category: No Category

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Bow down to the Viagra God

May 14th 2008 05:29

A 23 year old boy-let’s call him Jake- walks into a Doctors office and spends exactly ten minutes in consultation about the last two failed nights of passion he had due to a horrendous onset of nerves while with a girl he's been recently seeing.

In response, the Doctor assures the young lad it’s more common for his age group than one would think and that he has a “quick” fix for that burst of confidence Jake is in dire need of.

A prescription of Viagra is duly signed, sealed and written and the doctor sends Jake on his merry way armed with a $72.00 bill which will buy the young man four pills and a wonderful ego boost.

Ok. Where do I begin with all this?

Firstly, Jake’s entire bill of health was given a resounding all clear and two thumbs up based on three pumps of the blood pressure gauge and a quick once over visual of the boys body.

Perhaps listening to a hot-blooded young man lament about his lack of sexual prowess isn't something that would set off too many emergency bells and nerves would probably be a better bet than something more sinister.

But my gripe with this whole scenario is the immediate recommendation of Viagra for Jake’s dilemma.

I would have thought, given this has happened to Jake only twice in his life, and he has told of his deep feelings for the girl, the Doctor would tell him that perhaps he should slow down and wait until he is more comfortable with her.

If the problem persists then pill-popping can be considered after the appropriate tests were done to determine the extent of his problem. Viagra may not be a ‘serious’ drug, but it's a prescriptive drug nonetheless and surely this wouldn’t be justification to prescribe it willy nilly.

Now I realise being told to 'wait' is not ideal advice a man in his mid-twenties with a body like a Spartan, or any other man would like to hear. I can imagine just how mortifying a limp appendage would be and the true extent of his demoralisation wouldn’t be hard to estimate.

Hence, I can understand that a quick fix is certainly easier to embrace. But wouldn’t the mention of Viagra in itself, be just as embarrassing? Isn’t this tablet mostly associated with the geriatric generation? Not to mention it being the drug of choice for the mummified Hugh Hefner.

Jake was certainly far from delighted upon hearing he was eligible for this evidently simple solution.

However after weighing up which scenario would be worse- being an active participant in a flaccid world or taking the option of a hasty retreat from it, he duly coughed up the cash at the chemist.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s too much for some men to accept that on the odd occasion, there could be a direct link between their feelings and their penis and just maybe, it’s not always some horrifying physical inability to perform when needed.

Would it be so emasculating to pay attention to what their emotions may be telling them?

But perhaps nowadays it’s not uncommon for a glorified Viagra punter to be of any age.

Should Jake bow down to performance pressure and his woman’s expectations and pop a pill? Or should he take the emotional route and get to know her better before taking the plunge?

What should Jake do?

Neema Mohan, 14th May 2008 ©

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Posted By: Neems - Category: No Category

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