NeemsThings I want to happen that will never happen but should
November 11th 2008 11:29
Things I want to happen that never will but should:
Number one:
Can we please abolish PMS? As much as I love not knowing what mood-crane my hormones will choose to swing me straight into a world of ferocious insecurity and unfathomable rage, I could probably do without it.
A quick peek back at the last 3 months was fun.
Month One had me developing “Snapping-Jaw Syndrome”. If someone so much as breathed in my direction, I’d growl as though they were stealing my first born. No one escaped my line of fire. My entire world for that one week was a perpetual battleground upon which I was the snarling victim.
Month Two had me a walking advertisement for Kleenex. A Peter Mac commercial aired on television and I found myself engulfed by a flood of tears enough to restore Melbourne’s water reserves to full capacity. Even the half tender look from my Kebab vendor as he handed me over my lunch was enough to generate a supreme demonstration of fine waterworks.
Month Three- had me hosting the World’s largest pimple convention this side of the hemisphere, smack BAM on my chin. Need I say anymore.
Number Two:
At the snap of my fingers, disgusting people around me should just disappear.
Yes, you- the man on my tram this afternoon sweating profusely, who then thought it would be a simply grand idea to flap his t-shirt up and down in order to circulate some of MY much needed fresh air about his flabby belly. I might have had the grace to let this one go had I not then received a nice spray of his sweat, expelled from his drenched shirt, all over my arm.
And the other man on my tram last week who was perfectly content to sit next to me, while indulging in a spot of nostril house cleaning. Very much the epitome of charm.
Number Three:
And lastly, to the pollen that chooses to be sneaky little bastards and attack me at night- please pack up your bags and go pollinate elsewhere.
That's all I have to say about that.
Neems
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Comment by GlenB
Raw Fish
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
Morgan Bell- hehehe I can tolerate them about 3 weeks of every month!
Thank you Tracy- I'm inclined to agree.
Thanks for dropping by guys
Neems
Comment by the-sandwich-shak
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
I've been yank-i-fied and I didn't even know it!
Neems
Comment by The Rusty Can
Everything
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I got an email the other day with new ideas for what PMS could stand for, amongst them :
Pass My Shot Gun.
Psychotic Mood Shift.
Puffy Mid Section.
Perpetual Munching Spree (somebody Stop Me)...
People Make me Sick
Pardon My Sobbing
Pimples May Surface
Pass My Sweatpants
Pissy Mood Syndrome
Plainly : Men Suck
Pack My Stuff
and my favourite :
Possible Murder Suspect.
And remember:
Money talks... but Chocolate SINGS !!!
great Post
Lilla ...
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
Lilla- Thank you! hahahahahahaha oh my god- those are so deliciously apt! I think I like Pass My Shotgun the most.
Comment by Janet Collins
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
And Lilla, loved the alternatives but you could change the last one to Probable Murder Suspect - and may all men be warned!
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
However, the very idea of some oaf flapping his shirt and spraying someone with his vile stenchy stale perspiration (sorry, but horses sweat, people perspire), makes me want to projectile vomit so hard I could hit he Space Shuttle as it zooms overhead!!
YUCK!!
Poor thing, next time take a bottle of spray disinfectant and psray yourself, the air between you and HIM!!
Or, simply scream, "OH MY GAAWWD!! HE'S A TERRORIST!!" And slink away into the crowd...tee hee!
cheers
fog
Comment by Neems
Koala Lounge
Truth Whisperer
Ps: I am a long time sufferer of MMTS- (Mini Muffin Top Syndrome)...it is a cruel world out there...
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
MMTS!
I had heard rumours of this medical dilemma, but never believed it to be true!
Well Neem, we can fight back!
I think your suggestion of:
bastard things to think about and sometimes do!
is a great idea for a post!
I will certainly contribute!!
cheers
fog